Being Selfish is being like the Self. It is seeing life only from the perspective of one’s own ego Self. We are all selfish individuals, unless we are considering someone else’s situation by looking at it from their perspective.
Looking at someone else’s situation, by looking at their life from their perspective, is a good definition for being caring. However, it is also why caring is associated with having an unselfish attitude to life. When I believe that being unselfish is the way to care, I believe that being uncaring is being selfish and being selfish is not caring about others.
Being unselfish is detrimental to the growth and development of the Self, because when I am only ever considering the perspective of other people, I neglect to follow my own choice of path in life. Being unselfish becomes an emotional state of pleasing other people. Whereas pleasing other people may have some short term benefits, it has some very detrimental long term effects for your Self.
I am empowered to follow my own path, not someone else’s path. When I unselfishly please another, I am following their path, which is often detrimental for their health & development and always detrimental to mine.
I am being unselfish because I believe that I should, I ought to, I must or I have to do what pleases other people. Pleasing is therefore a toleration, which is an energy drain. This means that being unselfish will eventually drain my energy and become intolerable because it is working in opposition to my own self care. When I believe that caring for others is unselfish, then self care becomes a selfish act and my ability to care for myself is compromised.
In the caring profession, self care always has to come first, but how do we put our self first without putting our patient second? How can I put the patient first without putting my Self second? A caring relationship is healthy when it is balanced and mutually beneficial.
Selfish & unselfish is a duality based on an opposing choice of perspective. Do I put myself first or do I consider someone else before me? Every duality causes a dilemma. A dilemma is a choice of perspective where both ways feel less than beneficial.
When confronted with a dilemma, neither perspective is beneficial, so a third way of perceiving the situation is necessary and essential. When being selfish doesn’t feel right and being unselfish doesn’t feel right either, I need to look for a third way.
Self care requires the ego sense of self to be Truly Selfish.
Being Truly Selfish is being like one’s true Self. My true Self is healthy, wealthy & wise, always happy and ever well. When I am being truly selfish, I am making a choice for myself in relationship to other people, which always feels good. I cannot feel good about a choice and be unhappy with it. A choice that I am happy with will never make me feel bad, sad or unwell.
When I make a choice that feels good in relationship to another, that person will feel that I am happy making a good choice for me and accept that it is also a good choice for them. I only ever feel good when I am following the path of my true Self, by being true to my Self. Being true to my Self always feels good. Being true to someone else is being true to their chosen path, which doesn’t always feel good.
When I feel good about following someone else’s choice, it is because our paths are temporarily in alignment and therefore our feelings are in balance & harmony, which means our actions are mutually beneficial. It is neither selfish nor unselfish to follow another’s choice which is aligned with one’s own good sense and feels right. Pleasing someone by following their choice of path when it is contrary to my good sense of feeling is not good sense.
Being truly selfish is never about what I am doing and always about who I am being whilst doing whatever I am doing.
Being caring whilst I am doing caring is truly selfish.
Being uncaring whilst I am doing caring is being either selfish or unselfish depending on my perspective of the situation.