Dementia Makes Me Dependent

Dementia makes me dependent and being dependent causes dementia.

Dementia is both the cause & the effect of the loss of independence. With the ability to maintain my independence, I am not a problem to anyone, because they believe me to be capable of looking after myself.

We are all dependent on other people for our extrovert emotional needs. An extrovert emotional need, by definition, is an emotional need that I need someone else to meet for me. It is the emotional power that I get from someone else, and I depend on them for it.

Traditionally, western marriage is based on co-dependent partnership. Relating to our partner, in a co-dependent way means, I meet my partner’s needs and my partner meets mine.

Dementia breaks up this sub-conscious arrangement, which has been in force for the duration of the marriage. When dementia is diagnosed, a co-dependent relationship suddenly becomes a dependent relationship as one partner becomes dependent on the other and a dependant of the other. The caring partner is at risk of not getting their own emotional needs met by their demented partner. The only exception to this is when the caring partner has a strong emotional need to be needed.

In a spiritually aware society, where there is an awareness of emotional needs, and the emotional intelligence to consciously meet our own emotional needs, dementia never arises. You see, with the emotional intelligence to meet one’s own emotional needs, there is no dependence on other people. Having no emotional dependence on other people is the true definition of independence.

Once I understand how to meet my own emotional needs, I am on my path to becoming inter-developmental with all other people and there is no risk of dementia. Dementia may appear to be a loss of memory but it is in actuality, the loss of sufficient emotional power that is required to connect with one’s memory. With enough emotional power, there is no memory loss.

It is not possible to connect to my emotional power without my mental authority and neither is it possible to be emotionally competent and to be mentally incompetent.

Mental incapacity is relative to emotional incompetence, which is relative to emotional intelligence. The more emotionally intelligent I am, the more emotionally competent I am and the more mental capacity that I have.

As a society, we are all suffering from relative degrees of emotional incompetence, which means that we all suffer from relative degrees of mental incapacity. It is not uncommon in a co-dependent relationship for the one who wears the trousers to have the mental capacity to make decisions & choices for both partners in the relationship.

if I were to spend an adult lifetime in a relationship with a partner who made all my decisions for me, I could quite happily live in every moment of the present or the future without ever needing to remember anything. In this extreme scenario, I would not realise my loss of memory until my partner either died or was no longer able to make all my decisions for me.

If I were to spend an adult lifetime in an extreme relationship with a partner where I made absolutely all the decisions for them, I would never experience their dementia because no mental capacity would be required by them.

The reality is that no relationship is ever that black or white but every relationship exists on a spectrum of grey. It is when the grey areas become a particular problem that dementia is often blamed as the cause.

Remember, we live in a society that is medically either physical or mental and the emotional factor is never rationally considered. Our doctors and medical practitioners are trained to be rationally detached and emotionally disconnected or insensitive. Emotional sensitivity is not a personal attribute that is learned in our schools, colleges or universities.

Rational intelligence is confused with mental capacity but without emotional sensitivity, it has no competence to understand that dependence, co-dependence & independence are three ways in which we relate emotionally to the important other people in our life.

Dementia Is Not Progressive

Dementia is not progressive, although it may appear to be.

Progressive means that, with dementia, I proceed to become more demented as time passes.

The belief that dementia can only get worse is reinforced by the experience that nobody ever gets better.

Nobody ever gets better because the commonly held belief is that there is no cure.

When I believe that senile dementia is an illness of old age, then logically, as I get older, the dementia becomes more acute.

Dementia is more relative to emotional power than it is relative to age.

As my emotional power declines, so dementia increases.

It is no co-incidence that as dementia increases, the need to be looked after increases; and as the need to be looked after increases, personal emotional power declines.

Dementia becomes a downward spiral that leads to an eventual demise.

Then again, an eventual demise is the consequence of old age, with or without dementia.

What becomes very important in old age is quality of life, which is relative to personal emotional power.

My emotional state of being determines my personal power and the quality of life that I am experiencing.

Being lost, confused & frustrated with life allows only a very low quality of life experience.

When quality of life is acceptable, dementia is not a problem.

As quality of life declines, dementia becomes more and more of a toleration, a frustration and a problem.

Dementia is not progressive because we all have good days & bad days.

We all have days when everything flows beautifully and we all have days when it doesn’t.

Good days & bad days are relative to emotional power. In fact that is what a good day is, it is a day when my emotional state of being was positively good and consequently, I had a very enjoyable day.

Goodness & joy are both positively powerful emotional states of being.

On an enjoyably good day memory loss is not apparent, so it is not a problem.

With enough emotional power, nothing in life is a problem and every challenge is effortlessly overcome.

Dementia only appears to be a problem when good days become few & far between.

Whether dementia is getting worse of whether bad days are becoming more normal, is a matter for consideration.

It is my experience that on a good day memories appear to have magically returned, which contributes to it being considered a good day.

This apparent return of sanity is usually short lived and good days are quickly forgotten when the symptoms of dementia return.

If dementia is relative to emotional power, is low emotional power the cause of dementia or the effect of dementia?

Does my low emotional power cause my memory loss or does my memory loss drain my emotional power?

Does my emotional power fuel my memory or does my memory drive my emotional power?

There is no doubt that remembering everything that I need to remember contributes to my having a good day. Then again, it is a very good day when there is nothing that I have to remember.

On a good day, I am engrossed in the present moment. I am present in each moment enjoying what life has to offer me. I have no need to plan the future and I have no need to consult the past.

My memory is my ability to consult the past in order to plan my future.

One of the great problems with dementia is the inability to plan the future because of the inability to access past memories.

Making moment to moment decisions or choices becomes extremely difficult without the ability to access memory.

Relying on other people to make my choices for me is totally disempowering.

Being disempowered by other people making all my decisions for me is why my emotional energy becomes depleted.

My low emotional energy causes my disconnection from my memory, my disconnection from my memory means that other people have to make my choices for me and other people making my choices for me causes my low emotional energy that disconnects my memory.

Breaking this cycle is one of the keys to living with dementia.

My emotional power is relative to my mental authority, so when I run continuously on other people’s authority of choice, I will continue to need their emotional power to motivate me.

Dementia is relative to personal authority. This means that my inability to make my own choices determines my degree of dementia.

Where dementia is relative to personal mental authority it is also relative to personal emotional power.

The ability to make personal choices requires both the capacity of my mental authority and the competence of my emotional power.

The inability to make personal choices due to mental incapacity & emotional incompetence is a symptom of dementia.

Dementia Is A Problem

Dementia is a problem of not being able to think for myself.

Thinking is a conscious mental action that requires data, information or intelligence.

We store information in our sub-conscious memory and the greater the store of intelligence, the more intelligent we appear to be.

Intelligence is stored information and not being able to access my memorable data is not very intelligent.

In our society, we are educated to believe that intelligence is the ability to remember or recall stored data from our memory.

The depth of our sub-conscious memory is believed to be relative to the height of our intelligence.

Dementia is believed to be a gradual loss of intelligence, when it is really the gradual loss of the ability to recall memory.

When our memory becomes instantly lost, we are diagnosed with amnesia.

The medical profession defines amnesia as memory loss and defines dementia as brain cell loss.

Even though medical science believes that memory is stored in the brain, it does not see dementia as the gradual onset of amnesia.

Understanding how the brain, the mind and memory interact is a key requirement to living with dementia.

When I believe that the mind is a function of the brain, I will assume that dementia is a state of losing my mind because of a malfunction of the brain.

When I believe that the brain is a processor of the mind, a totally different scenario becomes a possibility.

It is no longer clear whether the problems associated with dementia are caused by a malfunction in the brain or by the mind not functioning normally.

If dementia is a physical problem, then the brain is the cause, but if dementia is a mental problem, then the mind is the cause.

If dementia is an emotional problem, it does not warrant thinking about.

Whichever way, is dementia the loss of memory or is it the inability to recall memory?

Is the problem of dementia caused by the brain or is it an effect of the mind?

Using a computer as a metaphor, is dementia caused by the malfunctioning hard drive of the processor or is dementia the effect of a corruption in the software programme?

Processing mental data is the process of my physical processor that I call my brain.

My programmed software is the mental data that is a programme of my sub-conscious mental programmer called my mind.

My sub-conscious mind not only runs my mental programmes, it also writes them to memory.

I ask myself, who is doing my thinking, is it my brain or is it my mind, and am I thinking consciously or am I becoming conscious of my sub-conscious thinking?

The more that I think about things, the more things that I have to think about.

One of the biggest problems with dementia is that the less I am able to remember, the less I am able to think, and the less able I am to think about anything, the less I can remember.

When I am unable to think for myself, I am trapped in a world of other people’s thinking.

Being trapped in a world of other people’s thinking is the great irony of dementia.

As I look deeper into the causes & effects of dementia, this observation is both the cause & the effect of dementia.

At birth, I was born into a world of other people’s thinking and my early formative years were formed by other people’s thinking. I adopted other people’s beliefs as my own and formed mental programmes based on those beliefs, which I considered as being normal.

In a world where beliefs are never challenged, mental programmes are never changed and I follow the normal programmed beliefs of the society & culture into which I am born because that is normal.

It has become normal in our society & our culture for people to get some degree of dementia as they become older or more senile.

It is a common belief that our brains get old and no longer work as well as when we were younger.

We tend to see the brain as a mental muscle that like other muscles has to be regularly exercised otherwise it will fall into decline through lack of use.

It is seen as normal for brain function, like eye sight & hearing to decline as we get older.

Senile dementia is seen as memory loss due to old age.

It is only when our memory impairment becomes a particular problem to other people that they believe that we are suffering from dementia.

When I live in a world of other people’s thinking, I start to believe that I am becoming old & demented myself.

Dementia Is Not A Learning Difficulty!

Dementia is not a learning difficulty but a complaint of people who should know better.

Indeed, the frustration experienced by someone with dementia is through their own belief that they should know better.

Paradoxically, not knowing is both a cause & an effect of dementia.

Learning to live with dementia is an exploration of this very paradox.

Dementia becomes a problem to anyone who is diagnosed with dementia.

Being diagnosed with dementia is being officially told that you are incapable of the mental capacity to look after yourself.

This causes all sorts of dilemmas because all adults believe that they can look after themselves as long as they can remember how.

People with dementia do not necessarily need looking after, they just need someone to remind them how to look after themselves.

One of the most interesting aspects of dementia is that it can be just as much a problem for the carer as it can for the patient.

Whereas patience is a necessary attribute for any carer, it is also essential for the patient.

What makes dementia a real problem is the need to have someone to look after you.

The need for someone to be cared for is often a greater problem for the carer than it is for the patient with dementia.

In an ideal world, the person who needs to be cared for needs a carer who needs to be needed.

The problem with this scenario is that we have two needy people, so eventually the energy that they share will run out.

Living with dementia requires more than patience, because patience eventually runs out.

When patience runs out, the patient is still there but the carer has physically, mentally & emotionally, run out.

In a co-dependent partnership of a traditional marriage, the role of the carer falls initially to one of the partners.

Traditionally, within a marriage, couples grow old together and they care for each other.

Marriages work very well when one partner provides the direction and the other partner provides the support.

When the partner who provided the guidance loses their memory, they still have the support of their partner.

However, when the supporting partner loses their memory, it requires the guiding partner to completely change their direction.

Either the partner who has always worn the trousers needs to quickly learn how to wear a skirt, or the partner who has always worn the skirt needs to quickly learn how to wear the trousers

Dementia is such a problem for couples in old age because of this enforced role reversal.

The paradox is that dementia can force a role reversal in a partnership and an enforced role reversal in a partnership can make both parties very demented.

After a lifetime of doing things your own way, change can be a really big problem.

The real irony is that the inability to accept change can be the greatest problem, the greatest toleration & the greatest frustration that dementia can cause.

What is evident is that both partners in a relationship have to learn to live with dementia, irrespective of whoever is diagnosed as the sufferer.

It is not uncommon for the carer to suffer more than the one that they are caring for.

We all suffer the symptoms of old age and we all suffer the symptoms of someone else’s old age.

Old age is something that we all have to learn to live with and as we get older, we all have to learn to live as old people and with old people.

The older we get, the older the people with whom we live become.

The more demented that I get, the more demented the people I live with appear to become.

When life doesn’t make sense to me, other people don’t make sense to me either.

Understanding other people is how I make sense of my own experience of reality.

We are all more conscious of what other people are doing than we are aware of our own actions.

As we get older, we do more and more routine things out of habit and we do more & more things without thinking about them. Our sub- conscious mind has been programmed through years of personal experience to do what it believes is best for ourself.

We career through life without having to think too deeply, until one day we suddenly realise that consciously thinking for ourself has become a problem and paradoxically, learning how to think for ourself has become very difficult.

A Question Of Dementia?

It is a commonly held belief that dementia is a disease of old age.

It is seen as a disease of the brain that affects old people.

Thankfully, young people are rarely diagnosed with dementia, even when they have learning difficulties.

Ironically, learning is never difficult but what is difficult is the ability to teach someone who has no interest in whatever is being taught.

Learning is difficult when I cannot remember what I am studying.

Nobody ever has any difficulty in doing whatever they are inspired or empowered to do.

I cannot teach anybody to be empowered or inspired, although I can coach them to connect to the power of their creative inspiration.

Dementia is not a disease, although it can cause tremendous dis-ease & discomfort.

However, that dis-ease is both mental & emotional, but never physical.

Historically, medical practitioners have struggled to diagnose & treat mental & emotional conditions that have no physical symptoms.

That really is a very good description of dementia – a mental & emotional condition that has no physical symptoms.

Whereas, it may be apparent to a Neurologist that the condition of dementia is accompanied by a depletion of brain cells, there is no evidence as to whether the depletion in brain cells is the cause of dementia or the effect of dementia.

In the same way, it is not apparent to a Physiologist as to whether muscle wastage is due to physical inactivity or whether physical inactivity is due to muscle wastage.

Is muscle wastage a condition of old age, a disease of old age or the effect of non-usage?

It is a commonly held belief that physiologically, if we don’t use it, we will lose it.

Where the brain differs from a muscle is that it is the physical organ of the Mind.

With no distinction between our brain and our mind, we see dementia as losing our mind.

So, is dementia the effect of brain loss or is dementia the cause of brain loss?

Now, if dementia is the cause of brain loss, what is the cause of dementia?

Furthermore, is dementia a condition of the brain or a condition of the mind?

Living with dementia is the only way to discover the truth about dementia.

The truth about dementia will never be discovered by the person who has dementia.

To someone with dementia, they suffer from being lost, confused & frustrated.

These are the three major symptoms of dementia.

Thankfully, being lost, confused & frustrated is not imminently fatal; otherwise a great any people would be dropping dead at any age.

Being lost, confused or frustrated causes discomfort & dis-ease in everyone from time to time, but it is not seen as a medical condition.

Because most people suffer these conditions regularly, they are seen as a normal problem of everyday life.

What makes dementia a particular problem is the inability to remember, which is called forgetfulness.

Now, forgetfulness is also seen as a normal condition in most people of any age.

Whereas forgetfulness is a problem, it only becomes diagnosed as dementia when it starts to affect other people.

When my forgetfulness becomes a problem to other people, they see me as a problem and they see me as demented.

The inability to remember is then deemed to be the first signs of contracting dementia.

I may diagnose myself with having a cold or the flu, but I never diagnose myself as being demented.

I just get frustrated at being lost & confused by my inability, at any age, to recall my memory at will.

Forgetfulness becomes a problem when I need someone else to remind me what it is that I am supposed to be doing, because I keep forgetting.

The next question is whether forgetfulness is the cause of dementia or whether it is the effect of dementia?

Is dementia the problem or is forgetfulness the problem?

Is forgetfulness a problem with the mind or a problem with the brain?

Indeed, is forgetfulness the problem or is the problem an inability to recall memory?

Is dementia an inability to recall memory or is it memory loss?

Do I ever lose my memory?

Do I ever lose my mind?

With dementia, have I lost my memory, have I lost my mind or have I lost the will power to remember?

When my brain is processing the thoughts of my mind normally & efficiently, I have no reason to ask these questions.

The irony is that when I do need to answer these questions, I cannot remember the questions, let alone the answers.

Who The Inner Coach Is!

The Inner Coach is my inner guide & supporter.

It is also your inner guide & support.

Inner guidance & support is available to everyone who chooses to connect to their own Inner Coach.

My Inner Coach is my connection that connects my Self to my Soul.

I connect intuitively to the inner tutor that is my Inner Coach.

The Inner Coach is the spiritual Source of personal power & authority.

My emotional power is enabled by my alignment with the authority of my Soul’s higher Mind.

It is my emotional power that supports me and it is my mental authority that guides me.

The Inner Coach is the Source of the power & authority that enables a guided & supported life path.

I connect with my Inner Coach through the empowered inspiration, gained through meditation.

Inspired thoughts are empowered by the inner coaching of my Soul.

With empowered inspiration, everything is an opportunity in life that flows effortlessly without restriction.

The Inner Coach is the Love & Light of my Life.

My life is enabled by the emotional Love & the mental Light of my Soul’s inner coaching.

I align with the life path of my Soul when my intuitive knowing & my intuitive feeling allow me to intuitively see a clear vision for my life.

My intuitive Inner Coach guides & supports my Self to see where I am now, where I have chosen to be and how I am going to get there.

My Inner Coach is the Architect that designed the blueprint for what I have chosen as my vision, mission & purpose for this lifetime.

And that, I believe, is who your Inner Coach Is!

What The Answer Is!

The Answer is a reply to a leading question.

A question is the key to unlocking the next step on the spiritual journey that I am leading.

The answer opens any door that is blocking my next choice of direction.

When I have no questions, life is proceeding at choice, nothing is blocking my way and no answers are required.

When life is happening to me, I am guided by other people’s answers and I pray that their answers will work for me.

When life happens by me, I need answers to solve my problems.

I pray for whatever I believe that I need and I worship whoever delivers it.

When life is happening through me, my answers are inspired revelations of intuitive super-conscious thought.

Every prayer is an inspired question that is answered in meditation by my Intuitive Self.

When life happens as me, there are no questions as I already have all the answers that I will ever need.

The answer is always the opening through which I take my next step on my journey through life.

Opening answers require open questions that start with why, when, where, who, what, which & how.

The answer to Y is X, so never ask why as life just is whatever you choose it to be.

The answer to when is now, the answer to where is here, the answer to who is my Self, the answer to what is whatever is inspired, the answer to which is the one which feels best & the answer to how is effortlessly.

These are the 7 keys to an effortlessly inspired life for my Self that I best follow in the here & now because it feels both good & right for me.